its the way he makes me laugh when i dont even wanna smile that makes me like him so much more

so its been a while since ive written in this thing. welp i guess its time to catch up...

lately things have been going good. i mean i can't really complain. during the week i only worry about homework and work, just going through the movements and getting everything that i need in order to get my grades in. so far so good. 4 a's and a b. so yeah, that part of my life is pretty much down pact. then we have on the weekends the random drunken nights and crazy parties that i go to. i mean dont get me wrong, i love the weekends. but its just starting to hit me hard. i mean i can't remember the last time i had a sober weekend. and when i drink, i drink. its when im in a horrible mood that i drink beligerently, and that hasnt happened since me and casey somewhat "broke up" or stopped talking or whatever people wanna call it. that was one crazy night that i wish the alcohol coulda erased my whole memory because just thinking about it, it hit me hard. so yeah, i think my drinking habits should be slowing down in a bit. dont get me wrong, i love drinking but im tired of depending on it to have a good time.

ahh dont ask me why im rambling, but idk. ive been thinking about everything that has happened in my little fucked up life and i can't say anything bad about it. im kinda happy things happened the way they did with casey because he completely opened my eyes on how guys could be jackasses. or how much i really value myself being single. i remember it being fun before but i had forgotten how much fun it could really be. this week i went on three dates, along with having a valentine and it went good. i couldnt have asked for anything to go as well as they did and im so blessed for everything that i have encountered. when shit hit the fan i always thought, damn why does this always happen to me? but i guess everything does happen for a reason and we can figure that reason out later. hopefully soon.

so other than my boy situation that doesn't exist, everythings working in my own little way. i guess i can wait and see what else happens. i still can't believe that this semester is about half way over. my spring break is in about two weeks and im really looking forward to going home and spending time with my parents, along with my buddies at home. two years of college are already out of the way, but i still have about 3 more to go. im so happy and i can't wait.

well enough rambling on my part. i have to do some laundry so ill update this thingie soon i hope.

soooo 2007 started off kinda alright and i can't really complain its just some things have been lingering on that uhh, i need to vent out! lol so you know what im about to do.... vent!

ahh, so everything started peachy. i mean i spent my new years with porkchop and neily. it was pretty nice. i went to my cousins for a bit, then out with my boys to see blood diamond. it was almost three friggen hours long! urgh i know, but it wasnt that bad! leo and the hot accent... id watch it again  anyways, so we go back to mark's and watch ricky bobby and jackass 2 til almost 4am. it was pretty sweet. i can't really complain other than it was the first sober new years in a while. other than that ive been out with my parents and my buddies. i loves it. and i can't wait for school to start, but then comes the problems lol. and of course nothing else would be the problem but boys

so this is my scenerio::

Boy #1:: when i left school there was only one guy i had my eye on. and i dont even know if you could really say it was someone to keep after, i think it was more of a "this has lasted all semester so is it gonna happen the same way for the next year?" deal. i mean we've had our share of hanging out and those random hook ups. and of course we've had one fight and to tell you the truth, i dont even know how we made up.  well anyways i have my feelings towards him and i know he knows it but then again i know for sure he doesn't want anything really serious. ive heard all the excuses in the book and in my head i keep thinking, man. hes just playing you for a fool. but my heart is just begging me to try even harder and see what happens. but what if im not suppose to wait and just move on? i mean i think about him and sometimes its weird because right when i start thinking about him he either texts or messages me. so yeah, thats my perdicament with that one.

Boy #2:: alright so this one is a toughy. i met this one completely off guard and i mean woah. i wasnt even looking cuz lets face it. when i have boy drama i like to stick to one person and not act a fool. but this one completely swept me off my feet. i met him really randomly at a party and i didn't even know the guy too well but he knew i was sick and kept calling or at least messaging me every day to say that he hoped i got better. seriously who the hell does that?? well anyways we started talking little by little and went on our share of dates and omg, he was amazing. i mean this guy is something else:: hes as random as i am, hes got a great sense of humor, and hes not that bad looking. hes seriously someone that gave me butterflies::hint hint::and hes completely perfect for me, or so i thought. he ends things about two weeks later and im not kidding, either i fell too hard or im a complete idiot once again. well that was about two months ago and i seriously can't stop thinking about him. this shit sucks.

well to end this mello-drama scenerio i really  really like boy #2, but i can't muster the balls to tell him. i mean come on, the kid dumped me first and well yeah, of course theres still gonna be feelings there but grr. he has the worst mixed signals in the world and im tired of the bs. plus boy #1 is closer and i do like him i just dont know if he has the same feelings for me as i do for him. ahh this is a brain teaser for me but im tired of the games. why can't one guy just like me and not jerk me around!? goo

other than that i found out today that my grandpas in the hospital again. i hope everything turns out okay. i dont really get to see him that often so tomorrow i think we're goin to see him. and with me leaving sunday to e-ville, im gonna be more stressed out for not being closer to him. i just hope he recovers fast

welp i think ive vented enough. seriously if it wasn't for this thing i think id be eating right now lol. but anyways i gotta go to bed. i have a doc appointment at 8am and its already 1. much love to whomever reads this and sorry about all the complaining, but what else is a girl to do!?